Eurowatch

1. The rumour that the twice disgraced - and therefore singularly qualified - Peter Mandelson might be appointed as the UK's next EU commissioner has been quickly scotched. It seems that even those Labour MPs hardened to the idiosyncratic extravagancies of Blairism were appalled at the prospect of this unrepentant delinquent representing their country. As we write, the accolade appears to be falling on another jobsworth, namely 'Lord' Robertson, a former defence minister and retiring secretary general of NATO.
   
   
2. While Neil Kinnock and Co. chase around madly trying to discover where all those heavily subsidised cows actually finished up, it is comforting to learn that the really important matters are receiving attention. Under new EU proposals, the maximum height of a child's rocking horse would be 60cm, which in English means around a couple of feet. As a fellow columnist has remarked, "Not even a self-respecting dwarf would sit on one." But what of the existing brutes whose dimensions would offend the guidelines? Hacksaws to the ready!
   
   
3. Smokers who have seen the price of the weed rise inexorably under successive Chancellors will be glad to know that their contributions are supporting a worthy cause. Annually, the EU pays out £642million in subsidies to 80,000 tobacco growers. Please reflect that we can only report on the excursions into lunacy which come to the surface.
   
   
4. The new Spanish Government, anxious to reverse the folly of becoming involved in Bush's coalition, has been busy mending fences with France and Germany by promising to adopt a softer line on proposals for a European constitution. The beast is back on the agenda, and agreement could be reached as early as June. Whatever Blair signs up to will be illegal unless it is endorsed by our folk in a fair and genuine referendum.

How every fool can play upon the word! (Merchant of Venice)

A spot of nonsense never comes amiss in this dull old world and, on this occasion, we are indebted to Mr. Trevor Phillips, Chairman of that superfluous luxury, the Commission for Racial Equality. He has just discovered that all our ethnic, racial and religious problems are down to the fact that we are using the wrong brand of gibberish. According to Trevor, all that we need to do is abandon 'multi-culturalism' and substitute 'togetherness' after which we will all live happily ever after. Where did we find this genius?

In the beginning

'Palestine, Greece and Italy are the three lands whose history contains the history of man. From Palestine we draw our religion; from Greece comes art and literature and, in a manner, law and freedom. The history of civilised man goes on in one unbroken tale from Theseus to our own day; but the drama shifts its scene and changes its actors; Greece can only reach us by way of Italy; the Athenian speaks to modern Europe almost wholly through a Roman interpreter.' (Edward Freeman's introduction to Theodor Mommsen's History of Rome, l868).

How refreshing to go back a few years and read what educated folk had to say about the origins of our modern world. Only thus do we find confirmation of what we instinctively know but are forbidden to mention. Whilst we do not suggest that all will have the time or the inclination to meander down the highways and byways of 19th century literature, it is vital that we keep an eye on what our kids are taught, and ensure that they are not brainwashed with politically correct nonsense about the origins of civilisation.

Poppies = opium = heroin = death

The bad news is that Afghan opium production is now nine times what it was before George W. Bush toppled the Taliban, and that this year's crop will supply three quarters of the world demand for illicit drugs. Poppies flourish in almost every province, and the trade is said to account for more than half of Afghanistan's gross domestic product. Almost everyone is making money, including al-Qaeda. Just one Kandahar heroin trafficking group ships 1,000 kilos a month to Bin Laden's best mates in Pakistan to show a profit of £28 millions a year.

The good news, at least as far as the growers are concerned, is that Britain has been chosen to lead the battle against Afghan drug production, and that £70 millions of your money has been set aside to bribe the poppy farmers to produce something else. Hands up all those who believe that this daft ploy will work!

Welcome to a new partner

94 per cent of Slovenians - they will have joined the EU by the time you read this - have voted against restoring the rights of some 18,000 'non-persons', Bosnians, Serbs and Croats left over when the country broke away from Yugoslavia in 1991. 'The erased', as they are sometimes known, constitute a real embarrassment to the centre-left Government which is being pressed by shocked EU officials to resolve this tricky issue. The republic has the highest standard of living amongst the former Soviet satellite states.

The undermining of Mr. Plod

It is the police - not the judges, not the politicians - who stand between the ordinary law-abiding citizen and a state of lawless anarchy. It therefore follows that all decisions on recruitment and promotion should be based on merit, and on an assessment of capability to do the job in the best interests of our folk. On the disciplinary side, rigorous, exacting standards must be applied across the board irrespective of any other considerations. Moreover, it is vital that, in the interests of public safety, our police forces are in no way inhibited, by judges, politicians or busybodies, from using their full powers as occasion demands. Unless society upholds these principles it will surely perish.

Given the above, the very last thing we need is to have the semi-literate Mr. Greg Dyke snooping round our cop-shops looking for alleged instances of 'racism' in the ranks. It is well known that this former director-general of the BBC is scarcely impartial. In 2001, he referred to that corporation as being "hideously white," and went on to declare that the problems of the Met were even worse. Again, it is less than helpful when Scotland Yard Commander Bernard Hogan-Howe suggests that talented(?) ethnic-minority recruits should be allowed to skip the 'beat' and join up as more senior officers. We can only hope that Mr. Dyke has the guts to condemn such outbursts of institutionalised dementia as being "hideously racist."

Meantime, the Morris Inquiry has been told that police officers from these ethnic minorities frequently play the race card when complaints are made against them. We quote:

'The inquiry needs to be aware that there is a pervasive climate of fear amongst managers that some elements of the workforce are becoming unmanageable because any challenge, however well justified, is seen as risking complaint, grievance or proceedings.'

This is scandalous. The police, it has to be repeated, are appointed, and paid, as guardians of the people, and those who would systematically abuse our trust in these ways have no place in the force.

Britain's shame