Sorry, a nauseating start

'Lady' Lynn de Rothschild is very impressed by the fact that immigrants can become peers. She has apparently not caught on that, if people like Dennis Healey, Paddy Ashdown and Jeffrey Archer can get 'lordships', the whole concept has become meaningless. But that is not all. It seems that Lady Lynn also figures among that small number of dedicated morons who worship our Tony, and she says: "The power Blair has established in America is extraordinary. He has a higher agenda (than Bush), and peace in the Middle East is a pretty big chit. I feel so proud of him." Please don't laugh; this wretched though fabulously wealthy woman has perhaps never set eyes on the squalor and abject misery to which successive invasions of immigrants and asylum seekers, coupled with the studied neglect of mainstream politicians, including their bogus 'lordships' have condemned the inner cities of this sceptere'd isle. We would say this to Mrs. de Rothschild: "Once, many of us were poor, but we were proud and had hope. Today we have been abandoned, and our poverty is now coupled with terror and despair."

Keeping the peace - 20 years on

The massive craft with its 12,000lb payload of missiles begins its 7,000-mile, 70-minute journey under the power of a standard jet engine, until a ramjet cuts in at 450 mph, which in turn is followed by a scramjet that takes over at 3,600 mph, after which a speed of over 6,000 mph is quickly attained. Project Falcon (Force Application and Launch from Continental US) has reached fruition, and the HCV (Hypersonic Cruise Vehicle) is on its way to a designated target which could be literally any place anywhere on earth where the local people refuse to abide by the rules of the New World Order and dare to act independently. Bodmin? Oslo? Singapore? Just a brief call from the White House to the Pentagon and the unmanned destroyer will be airborne. Fanciful? Not in the least! They are already working on it. And they told us that they were executing war criminals at Nuremberg!

Sunderland gives Afro 'culture' the bird

While millions of black South Africans are still coming to realise how much better off they were under apartheid, a tom-fool song-and-dance show, 'Umoja', has been touring the world and giving us "a high-octane journey through South Africa's musical heritage." It seems that all went not too badly until some good folk in the North-East decided that this was a spot of ethnic 'culture' that they could do without. When leaflets calling people to the show were handed out in Hendon, Sunderland, the leafleters were curtly told by the locals to ... off. The fact is that when you get past the politically correct and bleeding heart brigade, who lap up this sort of thing like a thirsty cat with a saucer of milk, you will find your way through to plain, no-nonsense folk who will come up with a practical, unbiased and honest opinion.

The right man for the job?

Our postbag

Dear Junius,

Just a line to thank you for your welcome support, and to let you know that He is safe and well only a couple of miles from here. This illegal immigration really is a doddle! As a loving father, He mourns the loss of his two sons, yet marvels at the fact that it took 200 heavily armed troops and two helicopter gunships six hours to murder four people, including a teenager. Reluctantly - because we reckon it is far too much - we are offering a reward of £19.50 for any information as to the whereabouts of Tony Blair, so that he may be brought to book before the mother-of-all tribunals for war crimes against the Iraqi people. We will of course alert your wonderful Commander Cressida Dick at Scotland Yard if she encounters any signs of racism during our stay in the UK. Meanwhile, the British MI6 or for that matter any other branch of Mossad, should not look for us here as we plan to spend a few days in Chiswick and then move on to Torbay at the weekend. Yours for God and Freedom, Ali B...

The ... Tree Inn, Harrogate.

Come back Papa Doc!

Unlike Iraq and Afghanistan, Haiti is just around the corner from the United States but, as ever, American intervention in other folks' affairs has been disastrous. In 1994 Clinton sent in 20,000 US troops to restore President Aristide to power in 'Operation Uphold Democracy'. Nine years and several billions of dollars later, Haiti occupies 150th place in the UN 175-nation human development index. Widespread corruption makes the efforts of the European Union look positively amateurish, and outfits such as the 'Cannibal Army', headed by one Amiot Metayer, enforce Mr. Aristide's grip on power. Amiot Baby was actually sprung from jail when 100 of his supporters drove a tractor through the prison wall.

New Labour's most notable achievements

Over the past several months we have heard much about how people will have to work longer, perhaps up to the age of 70, to earn even part of the pensions they expected to get on retirement at 60 or 65. At the same time, care homes for the elderly are closing at a rapid rate, and 74,000 beds have been lost since 1996. We understand that, privately, ministers are expressing the hope that retired folk - except of course MPs, civil servants and 'lordships' - do not hang about too long! Allowing the NHS to deteriorate still further has been mooted as a possible solution to the problem.

We will march together!

We could, and normally would, continue, at this juncture, to bore you by re-counting some of the 1,001 dreadful things that have happened over the past week or so. But, with our Editor's permission, let us for once talk politics and, for a change, discuss why these things are actually happening in this "green and pleasant land." There is a nasty word that never gets a mention in political circles and that word is 'will' - in short the will to do something about Britain's plight. Notice that we say 'plight' rather than 'problems', because we are long past the problem stage. If a nation, a people or a political party has the guts to say: "We will do this and to hell with the side effects," then overnight the clouds will begin to lift. The disillusionment with politics so often mentioned these days is down to our mainstream politicians whose 'policies' represent nothing more than tinkering with a failing system. We even boast a third party, the Lib-Dems, who actually guarantee that they will not rock the boat.